Here are some quotes. Some are funny, some are seri­ous. Don’t steal the quotes data­base. You can send inter­est­ing quotes to the Castel­lan of Quotes. They might get added to the data­base. You should also send cor­rec­tions to the Castel­lan. They will be appreciated.

‘Mercy’ means an unearned for­give­ness. — Leonard Peikoff

A Repub­lic, if you can keep it. — Ben­jamin Franklin

And it is a thou­sand can­dles that will burn for every brave sol­dier that marches to the steps of the drums of lib­erty, so that tyranny will never tram­ple the spirit of free­dom in the hearts of men through­out a world thrown into dark­ness and despair. It is despots and tyrants who run our rivers red with the col­ors of a hun­dred tram­pled flags that unfurl in the winds of lib­erty, blow­ing over cen­turies of depri­va­tion; where men who have known treach­ery and trea­son can still light torches in the caves of honor! — Mar­lene DuChard, The Cheap Detective

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be nec­es­sary from time to time to give a stu­pid or mis­in­formed beholder a black eye. — Miss Piggy

Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life. — Solid Jack­son, Jingo (Terry Pratchett)

Good news! It’s a sup­pos­i­tory! — Prof. Hubert Farnsworth, Futurama

I am.
I think.
I will. — Equal­ity 7–2521, Anthem (Ayn Rand)

I could eat a can of Kodak and puke a bet­ter movie! — Lola Brew­ster, The Mir­ror Crack’d

I feel like I’ve been incar­cer­ated in a blue­berry. — Nigel St. Nigel, Psych

I never saved any­thing for the swim back. — Vin­cent Free­man, Gattaca

I watch soap operas. I bake brown­ies. Nor­malcy is cours­ing through my veins! — Jackie-​​O, The House of Yes

I’m the Doc­tor. I’m a Time Lord. I’m from the planet Gal­lifrey in the con­stel­la­tion of Kaster­borous. I’m 903 years old, and I’m the man who’s gonna save your lives and all six bil­lion peo­ple on the planet below. You got a prob­lem with that? — The Tenth Doc­tor, Voy­age of the Damned

If you must go whoop-​​whoop, please go whoop-​​whoop not to wind­ward, but to lee­ward. — Her­cule Poirot, Mur­der on the Ori­ent Express

It has been said that pros­ti­tu­tion is the old­est pro­fes­sion. But we must remem­ber that before one may pros­ti­tute, one must first con­tract.

It is a kind of strange and improb­a­ble white heat, where admi­ra­tion becomes reli­gion and reli­gion becomes phi­los­o­phy and phi­los­o­phy, the whole of one’s life. — Ayn Rand

Marty! Jackie-​​O wants a drink-​​drink! — Jackie-​​O, The House of Yes

Most things in here don’t react too well to bul­lets. — Capt. Marco Ramius, The Hunt for Red October

Only two things are infi­nite, the uni­verse and human stu­pid­ity, and I’m not sure about the for­mer. — Albert Ein­stein

Pity for the guilty is trea­son to the inno­cent. — Ayn Rand

Please place the Weighted Stor­age Cube on the 1500 megawatt Aper­ture Sci­ence Heavy Duty Super-​​colliding Super-​​button. — GLaDOS, Por­tal

She’s poop­ing fab­ric! — Michael Kors, Project Run­way, Sea­son 5

Stop eat­ing my sesame cake! — Cap­tain Wanta, Congo

Stop this bang­ing! I’m com­ing of my own accord! — Lysis­trata, Lysis­trata (Aristophanes)

Strange but true. At least I think it’s strange, and I’m assured it’s true. — Slart­ibart­fast, Life, the Uni­verse, & Every­thing (Dou­glas Adams)

The cake is a lie. — Unknown test sub­ject, Portal

The Dec­la­ra­tion of Inde­pen­dence only guar­an­tees the Amer­i­can peo­ple the right to pur­sue hap­pi­ness. You have to catch it your­self! — Ben­jamin Franklin

The Enrich­ment Cen­ter reminds you that the Weighted Com­pan­ion Cube can­not speak. In the event that the Weighted Com­pan­ion Cube does speak, the Enrich­ment Cen­ter urges you to dis­re­gard its advice. — GLaDOS, Por­tal

The truth ain’t like pup­pies, a bunch of ‘em run­nin’ around and you pick your favorite. One truth, and it’s come a-​​knockin’. — Emer­son Cod, Push­ing Daisies

They mostly come at night. Mostly. — Newt, Aliens

This is Jeop­ardy! — Johnny Gilbert

Tina! Bring me the axe! — Joan Craw­ford, Mom­mie Dearest

Veg­e­tar­i­ans are the enemy of every­thing good and decent in the human spirit, an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoy­ment of food. — Anthony Bour­dain, Kitchen Confidential

Voilà, ma petite Amélie, vous n’avez pas des os en verre. Vous pou­vez vous cogner à la vie. Si vous lais­sez passer cette chance, alors avec le temps, c’est votre cœur qui va devenir aussi sec et cas­sant que mon squelette. Alors, allez y, nom d’un chien! — Ray­mond Dufayel, Le Fab­uleux Des­tin d’Amélie Poulain

We shall nobly save, or meanly lose, the last, best hope of earth. — Abra­ham Lincoln

What the hell is the dif­fer­ence between a paint­ing done by a per­son who chooses to paint like a child and a child’s paint­ing? — Patsy Stone, Absolutely Fabulous

Why, oh why do we pay taxes, hm? I mean, just to have bloody park­ing restric­tions and bug­gery ugly traf­fic war­dens and bol­locky pedes­trian bloody cross­ings, you know? And those bas­tard rail­ings out­side shops so you can’t even get in them? I mean, I know they’re there to stop stu­pid peo­ple run­ning into the street and killing them­selves, but we’re not all stu­pid! We don’t all need nurse-​​maiding! I mean, why not just have a stu­pid­ity tax? Just tax the stu­pid peo­ple! — Edwina Mon­soon, Absolutely Fabulous

You have over­bur­dened your argu­ment with osten­ta­tious eru­di­tion. — Abi­gail Adams, John Adams