Achtung! This post is full of spoilage. It assumes you’ve read the books and seen the film. If you don’t want either spoiled, go away! I was neither disap­pointed nor blown away. The film begins with a somewhat awkward prologue explaining the whole parallel worlds slash dust slash daemons slash Magesterium thing. When it started, I was somewhat upset, because I felt it explained too much up front instead of letting us discover these things as the film proceeds. Having finished the film, I still feel this way, but I under­stand better why they chose to do it. As with all epic novel series film adap­tation, important stuff [ . . . ]

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It is not my ordinary practice to comment on or review films before I have seen them, but I make exception here to tell everyone who will listen why I will not see animated Jerry Seinfeld vehicle Bee Movie. I have not seen it. And I will not. The cause for my refusal is viewable on the “Memorable Quotes” page for the film at the Internet Movie Database, which you may view by clicking here. Here is the offending quote. For context, I am aware that “Mooseblood” is an animated anthro­po­morphic mosquito. Cow: You’re a lawyer too?Mooseblood: Ma’am, I was already a blood­sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase! There [ . . . ]

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Dear American Moviegoers, Like, dude. What the hell? If you keep buying tickets to Crap, Crap II, and Crap III, you will only encourage them to make More Crap. What gives? Have you no taste? Just say no to torture porn. Yours with love, Qwertz

I was looking forward to watching Cars this evening. I was excited about it all day. I worked extra hard to make sure I got all my reading done for classes tomorrow. I got home and found an exciting red envelope in the mailbox. Yippee. I set up on the couch, got something to eat, a cold drink, set up the TV and got out the disc. Cracked. Oh the despair! Weep with woe and regret! The agony! Now I must wait until Thursday to see Cars. How depressing. I should get an extra two days on my free trial. All in all, not a great first impression, Netflix. Or Post [ . . . ]

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