That’s the noise I just made when I realized all the stuff I need to do. In no particular order:

1. Explain my position on the death penalty (including my analysis of Kennedy v. Louisiana)
2. Post my analysis of District of Columbia v. Heller
3. Finish my critique of “gay culture”
4. Write a formal review of Gattaca (I can’t believe I haven’t done this yet!)
5. Write big memo for Job #1
6. Write big memo for Job #2
7. Update my resume (Why does this always take so much work?)
8. Apply for Federal judicial clerkship
9. Continue research on Sundae Specials
10. Start research on the impact of gay marriage on the spousal privileges
11. Finish uploading latest Rosebush Watch videos to YouTube!

Gak indeed. I’ll get to it all eventually.

Posted by Qwertz at 1:19am on 28 Jun | No Comments

I have a rosebush.

It is a floribunda with deep red–almost maroon–flowers. I’ve been working on it for a few years now, and I prune it when it needs pruning, and I water it every other day, and I feed it and rotate it (it is in a large pot) and clip off dead blooms and whatnot. I care for it, rather like some people care for pets. It is a thing that I am proud of. Proud that I have kept it alive (I have a bad track record with plants); proud that I have been able to transform it from the scraggly little runt I bought at a Home Depot somewhere into a big, beautiful, healthy bush; proud of the time and money and love I’ve put into it. It has been getting ready for its first bloom of the year, which I expected during this first week of June. It had produced more flower buds this year than it ever had in years past. I was really looking forward to it.

This morning, I discovered that some merry prankster had come by and chopped off all the new buds.

Attached image: Rosebush 1

And left the buds strewn all over the porch.

Attached image: Rosebush 2

Thirty-two in total. I collected them and put them in a Ziplock in my freezer. When I find out who did it, I intend to present the rosebuds to that person and ask that they pay for them.

The culprit left four buds uncut, all of which are difficult to find as they are hidden among the foliage.

My leasing office seems to know exactly who did it. Because they have received numerous similar complaints of property damage from other residents. I have no personal knowledge, however, of whodunnit, so I shan’t go about casting aspersions I cannot back up with the photographic evidence.

Hence a new acquisition.

I shall set up the camera to watch my rosebush from now on.

The office seems to think it is a particular young person who lives a few doors down. If it is indeed this particular young person who is responsible, I should be very, very worried about her sanity. Someone as young as that, able to form the necessary malicious intent to cut of just the buds of my rosebush, and without any prior contact with me, may have the early makings of a sociopath.

Or maybe it is just that young people these days have no concept of property?

My rosebush will recover. But it will take another month before it is able to fully bloom.

Posted by Qwertz at 2:02pm on 2 Jun | 2 Comments

This is a gross post.

I do not often get sick. In fact, in the past 3 years, I have been sick exactly 3 times. Fortunately, they have all come at the least inopportune times - during various breaks. I got sick two Christmases ago, and then again last Christmas, and now I’m sick again during summer break.

All three times have been really insanely awful sinus infections. I’m not the sort of person who gets sinus infections with every cold. No, I only get sinus infections when I get something–we’re talking about foreign bodies here–stuck up my nose.

I don’t go around putting things up there deliberately. Christmas ‘07, I sneezed with cheese in my mouth and got a bit of cheese stuck up in the back of my nose. Raging infection. Christmas ‘08, it was same show, only with cauliflower. Really awful.

This time, I got it from a book.

I’ve been reading Agatha Christie’s Poirot novels, and checked a few out from the university library. The offending book was The A.B.C. Murders. It had been water-damaged and was quite moldy and dusty. Nonetheless, I stupidly insisted on reading it, as it was the school’s only local copy. Well, I got a fragment of brittle paper, complete with mysterious, unknown, and probably highly dangerous black book mold, stuck up the back of my nose. I must have breathed it in. I felt it immediately and tried to get it out, but no go. Twelve hours later, I’m a pus-filled, mucus-spewing, 101.3-fever-running mess.

I’m returning the book in a bright orange ziplock bag with a biohazard logo on.

Posted by Qwertz at 12:55pm on 1 Jun | No Comments

CNN.com announces that Mitt Romney will be suspending his campaign following a disappointing showing on Super Tuesday. To announce this news, CNN.com places a banner at the top of their page. Click here to see the banner as it appeared at 12:45pm EST.

Mercifully, it was only up for about 7 minutes, and has now been replaced with a headline that contains neither apostrophes nor plurals.

Posted by Qwertz at 1:52pm on 7 Feb | No Comments

I know you are all waiting with bated breath for my exciting new substantive post. Or at least, it amuses me to imagine so. But the Evil Cartoon Bird has struck again. So instead of our previously scheduled programming, we present more ranting about the evils of cable companies.

So Wednesday evening there was a storm. Internets go out. Which is dumb, because cable lines are buried. Oddly enough, the TV didn’t go out. I wait a few hours. I call the cable company. I sit on hold for another two hours. At the 1′45″ mark, the Internets come back. I stay on the line until I get someone so I can complain. I complain. They tell me there was an outage, but it’s fixed now and all will be well.

Thursday. Beautiful weather. Same time as Wednesday, the Internets go out. TV still works. Weird. I wait a few hours. I call the cable company. I sit on hold for another two hours. This time, the Internets don’t come back. I complain. They tell me there’s an outage. I get a service credit (like, $5). Internets come back late that night.

Today. About 2pm. Absolutely gorgeous. Clear skies, 71°F. What am I doing? Yelling at the cable company. Because the Internets are gone again. This time, they’re off for most of the day. The worst part of it is that Call Center Moron doesn’t know anything about the previous outages, doesn’t know anyone who would know about them, doesn’t know anyone (in the whole company!) who would know what is going on, or when it’s going to stop. “We can’t predict outages.” Bullshit. You’re doing something. Three days in a row! This service is total crap and I have no alternatives, and they have no incentive to do better. As if a $5 service credit will make me feel like I’ve won and make me go away.

There was a campaign here in Key Midwestern Swing State to “open the doors to cable competition.” There was a bill. It passed and was signed by our new Governor, Liberal Democrat. Large National Telephone Company was the primary lobbying force behind the bill. The bill abolished all municipal cable franchise agreements.

“How wonderful!” I can hear you exclaim. “Key Midwestern Swing State has taken a great step towards a true laissez-faire cable television market!”

But alas, this is not the case. The bill did away with municipal franchise agreements by creating a State franchise agreement! Instead of local tyrants dictating the terms on which customers may purchase cable television and Internet services, State tyrants will get to do it. And have done it. And have prices dropped? No. Because the bill didn’t actually open the doors to cable competition. It just made it so that the telephone company can get it’s “fair share” of the public pie. Are there new choices? No. The choice is still “cable or DSL,” not “which cable company?” Actually, when the bill was signed, my cable bill went up by four and a half dollars a month. And now the service is getting shitty.

Tyrants are everywhere and they’re not going away. What amazes me most is that people are so confused about what tyranny is that they’ll embrace a bigger tyrant who comes along to “save” them from the petty ones.

Posted by Qwertz at 9:58pm on 28 Sep | No Comments