Author Archive

On Gary Johnson

Former governor of New Mexico and best of all possible candi­dates for the Republican nomi­nation for president Gary Johnson was so thor­oughly and system­at­i­cally excluded from the nomi­nation process that he dropped out of it. This is disap­pointing on a number of fronts, one being Johnson’s decision to instead seek the Libertarian nomi­nation. This decision in particular has caused a great deal of conster­nation among those of us who supported Johnson enthu­si­as­ti­cally as a Republican and who also recognize the substantial cultural threat the Libertarian Party poses to the cause of liberty in America. Consternation to the point of choosing sides and denouncing [ . . . ]

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Celestial Nomenclature

or Why I Stopped Watching Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader, Reason 227 I wanted to open this blog with the actual clip from Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader, episode 107 (S01E08), but I could not find a copy anywhere on the Internets. This was way back when that show was brand spanking new and I thought I’d watch a few episodes to see how it was. This was the last one I ever watched. Awful show. Anywho, I’ll have to describe it. The second contestant of the episode, a man, even­tually got asked the following question: In the Southern Hemisphere, the vernal equinox occurs in which month? [ . . . ]

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PSA: “Period of Time”

This phrase is always redundant. Please use either “period” or “time.” Do not use both. The phrase “point in time” is also redundant, and based on a poor under­standing of physics. Likewise “moment in time.” As a general rule, the “in time” modifier is easily dropped without affecting clarity. This will tighten your prose, making it easier to consume quickly.

23andMe Sale!

23andMe offers ridicu­lously low cost, private geno­typing to just about anyone. They take your spit and use it to test your DNA for hundreds of thousands of single nucleotide poly­mor­phisms (SNPs). Many of these SNPs are reliable predictors of gene sequence, and 23andMe can tell you tons of inter­esting stuff about tote traits, disease risk, heredity, and more! I’ve found out all sorts of really inter­esting stuff, like the fact that my father’s father’s mother, who was half Cherokee, could not have actually been my great-​​​​grandmother, or that I have a rela­tively rare inability to produce an enzyme called adenosine monophos­phate deaminase, [ . . . ]

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Ruminations on Holiday Shopping

WalMart sells replacement plans for Cabbage Patch dolls. At WalMart, I was helped by a man named Dexter wearing a long-​​​​sleeved Henley shirt. I went to two Targets, a Giant Eagle, a Home Depot, and a WalMart today. I encoun­tered two charity collection drives. A Salvation Army bell ringer, and a Firefighters’ Union toy drive. Both were stationed outside the WalMart. I have done something I never expected to do. I purchased an arti­ficial Christmas tree. Forgive me.

A Brief Follow-​​Up

Thank you to everyone who expressed concern. The official diagnosis is chronic sleep depri­vation, causing anxiety, poor concen­tration, fatigue, and depression.

Dear Diary

My soul has been broken for so long I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be alive. That white hot electric shine of meeting each moment knowing, with full certainty, who I am and how to meet the next challenge barreling down on me. The quiet serenity of confi­dence in my ability to meet the future, and the blazing inferno of rage that anything should stand in my way. That secret, sacred, insa­tiable center feels cold and empty and dead. It has for some time. I’m 29 years old and I don’t think I can honestly say I’ve ever really truly been in love. [ . . . ]

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